Week 19

19 weeks down. Getting towards 5 months I've been on this diet. Kind of mindblowing.

This week I lost 100g. My Fat% was down a little and my muscle % up, so that is really pleasing. But, as for the smaller loss - I kinda knew that was coming. With such a big loss last week, I was expecting to make up for it somewhat this week.

I also wasn't the best when it came to food last week. For one of my daily meals (which is usually lunch during weekdays because I like eating real food with my coworkers) I had a pretty large sourdough sandwich with chicken and avocado and cheese. And when I say large, I'm talking one of those sandwiches where the bread is 90% of the meal.

In my calorie estimating afterwards (and I usually try to over-estimate) I am fairly sure I was either still within or close to within my calorie goal for the day. I am not too fussed with being 100 or so calories over (my daily goal is 800-1000) since I do a fair amount of exercise. So I was within my calories and didn't blow everything. But it was the way I acted around that sandwich and afterwards that threw me off.

Basically the whole situation started with a couple of rough workouts. After Monday night's Spin class, I nearly passed out. It was hot in the room (packed full of people) and it was one of the toughest workouts I've had in there. The instructor was relentless - hardly ever letting us turn the resistance down. I am usually determined to keep up until I physically can't. I think I only backed off once against her instructions.

After we cooled down and stretched, I suddenly saw this blackness creeping in around the sides of my vision. I immediately grabbed onto the nearest bike seat to steady myself. Somehow I made it out of the hot room and slid down the wall outside. I put my head between my knees and just tried to get the blood back upstairs again. My gym buddy came and sat with me and I was ok after a while.

I know part of it was a slightly harder workout and the hot room, which isn't usually so full of people. But I was sure part of it was also to do with a lack of calories, specifically a lack of carbs.

Then, Wednesday morning's run happened. And it was stupidly hard too. It was 2 x 10min run intervals, separated by a 3min walk. Not that tough really, considering the Friday before had been a 20min straight run. But it was nearly impossible. I was practically sobbing for the last quarter of it. I came the closest to stopping I have on any run. I was feeling overheated and lightheaded again. It was just horrible.

I have no scientific basis for my assumptions, but I basically came to the conclusion that I cannot keep up this level of exercise without adding more carbs to my diet.

I spoke to the temp at my work who is actually trained as a Dietician, but temping with us while she tries to find her first full time Dietician job. I asked her what kinds of carbs I should be eating to help with giving me more energy when I exercise, because I know simple sugars, bread and pasta are danger zone for me. She gave me a few snack ideas I could have 1-2 hours before exercising. Things like:
- 2 rice cakes with cottage cheese
- Yoghurt with banana
- oats/porridge
- any kind of fruit

Some good ideas!

Unfortunately, when I went out for lunch on Thursday and it was a choice between another boring garden salad and a giant chicken, avocado and cheese sandwich... I chose the death by sandwich. My brain "justified it" by convincing me that I needed those carbs. Fine. Well, it would have been fine if I'd stopped halfway when I was actually full.

My friend is a great 6 foot+ tall man, and he devoured his sandwich, while I ate half of mine. I wrapped it up in the paper it came with, and I wish so much I'd thrown it out there. We went back to the office and I then immediately unwrapped it and ate the rest at my desk. I wasn't hungry. In fact I was pretty satiated. And after stuffing the rest of that thing in my face I was incredibly full. And I was full for hours. Even at 3pm I could tell my body was still trying to force that thing through my system.

Not good.

I managed to up my protein in the following days. And on Friday morning I was testing positive for Ketosis again. So, it can't have had that much of an effect on my weight loss/diet. Also, my run on Friday morning went REALLY well. It was 22mins straight and I was surprised when the app told me to stop - I actually felt like I could have kept going for another minute or two if I'd needed to. So, it felt like those carbs were doing their job there.

But, what also happened, is the floodgates opened a little. Since Thursday I have struggled to keep my calories under the 1000 goal, even under 1100. And when I say struggle, I mean that most of my days were 1000 or 1050 total, but that I had to do some serious work to keep it to that. I hovered round the fridge all weekend and ate a bazillion sugar free jellies and lollies. I just felt like I couldn't be satisfied - which is a hard thing to attain by eating sugarfree things, as they can sometimes stimulate your cravings even more.

Last night I made a very delicious Vegetable frittata, which was exceptionally satisfying. But even an hour after dinner I wanted to grab another serving. Because of cravings, not hunger.

So, I'm making a committment here and now: This week, I am laying off the sugarfree stuff and "extras" in general. I can have a banana before my workouts and a homemade (no added sugar) yoghurt for afternoon snacks. Other than that I can have my usual meal and shakes, water and vegetables. That is all. No weight watchers mousse because I can squeeze it into my calorie allowance. No, sugarfree lollies. Nothing.

I need to get back into the habit of eating vegetables when I need to snack on something. So, I'll be carting around lots of veggie sticks this week!

I don't see this past week as a failure, though. I still had a loss. I didn't gain despite going slightly off track. And I was expecting a smaller loss anyway. You don't suddenly lose 2.2kgs this fair into your diet without things evening out again sooner or later! My loss this week may have nothing to do with the struggles I've had at all, because despite making it hard for myself I still kept my calories fairly under control. But, even if I'd lost more this week, I think this problem needs to be addressed.

I've been able to identify what I'm doing and make a plan to reign it back in. I haven't "fallen off track" or "cheated". I feel I've just wobbled a little bit and learned how to avoid this happening.

I'm going to treat this week the same way I did the first week of the program: Expect it to be hard. I'm going to want sugarfree lollies and all that crap I have been slipping in lately. But, I can't have it. And if I don't have it this week, those cravings should go away. I just need to stay strong for a few days.
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P.S ~ My run this morning was 25mins straight! It was so hard, but I made it!
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WIL: 100g! A little bit of control. Fat %.
WIG: Muscle %. Recommittment to my weight loss program. Perspective. A plan.