They all asked me about how I've done it and about the Optifast program. They seemed really interested and supportive, and I could tell they were really trying not to offend me. It is pretty hard to tell someone how amazing they look and what a great job they've done without inadvertently implying that they didn't look that great before. But, I know that's not their intention. And they all seemed genuinely happy for me.
It has made me feel, understandably, amazing! I mean, I have had comments before. And my good friend at work tells me every couple of days how much she can notice the difference (I'm a lucky gal!). But, these past few days it really feels like I've blown some people's socks off. Granted, they aren't people I see every day - so the difference is bigger for them. But, you know what? I'm taking it. It's just so lovely and reassuring to know that I really have made a noticeable difference to my body.
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So, Wednesday night was a bit tough. I was, as I mentioned in this post, supposed to go to the Okkervil River concert. Well, things didn't turn out that way.
I went to a BodyPump class (resistance/barbells) with my co-worker/gym buddy after work. We had done an RPM (spinning) class on both Monday and Tuesday night. And I had also been running Monday and Wednesday mornings.
Well... my BodyPump class didn't go so well. In retrospect, I can see that I was definitely suffering from some muscle fatigue and general soreness.
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| Aaaaand Tantrum... In... 3...2...1... |
I also had to do the lowest/easiest exercises on offer for many of the sets. Like when we were doing lunges and squats, I had to do them without the bar. And even then I had to pause a few times. I couldn't keep up with the class, basically.
It really got to me. My friend could tell I was in a bit of a stink, too, which make me feel slightly guilty. But, she seemed to just be able to laugh about it. I'm glad because I didn't want my foul mood to ruin her experience. Or make her not want to come with me anymore!
My problem is that I'm too much of a perfectionist. I expected to be able to complete the class fully - without having to stop at all. On my first time (in 2 years). Looking around the room, it seemed like it was so EASY for everyone else. And they were using WAY heavier weights! I felt like I wasn't giving it my all. But, I also felt like I had nothing left to give.
Time for a reality check?
Not even 4 months ago I was 120kgs and never exercised a single day in the week. I was sweaty all the time, and avoided physical activity like the plague. I sat in dark rooms and stuffed my face with doughnuts, chips, ice cream and litres of sugary drinks.
In just that small amount of time I have gone from walking 30mins every weekday, to running 3 times a week (and walking 2), to now doing an additional 2-3 gym sessions a week. I should be proud. But, instead I was beating myself up for not being immediately amazing at BodyPump.
I talked to my best friend and my boyfriend about it. They both reassured me that I'm doing really well, despite having an off night, and that I need to be kinder to myself. Not only will I probably be better at it the next time, but I also need to stop expecting so much. I'd already worked my body a lot in that week, so even if I wasn't new to the class, I still would have likely experienced some reduced performance.
I've been feeling better about things since then. And I apologised to my gym buddy - who just laughed and said that it was actually kind of entertaining to see me annoyed! Phew!
Unfortunately, after crying my eyes out with my silly tantrum, I decided not to go to the concert. I was really tired and just wanted a rest. Boyfriend was super understanding, thankfully. I felt a little guilty that he had to miss out too, but he said it was ok. And I really enjoyed my early night and nice big sleep.
So I am determined to go back and face my BodyPump demons next week. And take it really easy. Until I get to the point where I can complete the exercises, I am not going to increase the resistance at all. I'm just going to slowly work my way into it.
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Wonderfully, all my planned exercise has been completed for the week! And, I have the weekend to fully recuperate. It feels great! Last weekend my legs were kind of itching for a run, but I am quite frightened about next week's C25K plan, so I am going to hold off and reserve my energy. My best runs seem to be on Mondays after I've had a couple of rest days. And today's was pretty good after only doing a 30min casual walk yesterday. So, I want to be able to put the most into the program that I can. If I really need to do something over the weekend, I'll make it a walk.
We have a wedding to attend to on Saturday for one of Boyfriend's really good friends. So, that will be a little challenge. I'm sure the food and alcohol will be very tempting. I have no idea what food they'll be serving, but I'll be keeping away from any carbs. If there is lean protein and veggies on offer I will have those. And if I am sketchy about how they were prepared (too much oil/sauce) I will only have very small amounts. I'll pack a couple of Optifast Bars for insurance, in case I just can't eat anything.
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To all you wonderful people who stop by and have a read here, thank you! I wish you all a lovely weekend!
Hey, I don't know if you have read much of my blog or very far back but I thought I'd link to a post about some of my experience with weight training while losing a significant amount of weight... http://optifastmom.wordpress.com/2013/09/03/by-the-numbers/ In a nutshell, you might very well go backwards. While dropping weight so quickly, you might be, unfortunately, losing a lot of lean muscle at the same time. For this reason, my doctor had me on the Optifast HP (high protein) shakes (at least one per day) but, in retrospect, I should have had many more but balked at the idea because they are even more expensive. Regardless, you can't even compare your strength levels to what you were doing before...ever. Your body composition is so much different. I could lift REALLY heavy things when I weighed 270 pounds. It is really hard to see how much strength I lost but I'd rather weigh 100 pounds less and not be able to lift as much. Anyway, check out my blog post and you can see the graphical data taken from my gym. You may or may not find it interesting - but it could explain your issues in the Body Pump class. Be nice to yourself. You are doing amazing work with your cardio training and that is SO hard. While on this diet, your muscles are just not going to cooperate as well as you might like....but keep at it and go lighter if you need to. And make sure you increase your protein within 30 minutes-an hour after doing strength training to help rebuild those muscles. I'm not sure if you see a doctor for your Optifast but you might look into adding protein (egg whites are good) to your plan if you want to rebuild muscle tissue. This is my biggest regret and I wish I had put more effort into resolving my lean muscle deterioration - I had access to great data from my gym and my doctor could have helped me since he specializes in this sort of thing for athletes. But, above all, you are doing amazing and SO many people don't get the exercise portion of this and YOU do. So be proud!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the link - I am checking it out now! Great idea about making sure I re-fuel with protein after doing weights. I haven't been doing that.
DeleteI also think you have a great point about losing muscle mass as well as part of my weight loss. I've seen many articles/graphs that show that even with weight training and a much higher caloric intake than Optifast, some muscle loss is to be expected.
Thanks again for all your encouragement. It's just so lovely... and encouraging!!
You are awesome Caitlin! Doing everything very well and really thinking it through. I'm glad that you're fighting off the exercise perfectionist. In my book you're doing everything right! Enjoy your new body and have a wonderful weekend.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your continued support. Have a wonderful weekend too!
DeleteI agree with the others, you're doing great. Perfectionism is a hard thing to combat (something I continue to work on) but you're recognizing it. One of the things I started doing this year is writing things I'm grateful for on a piece of paper with the date on it and then putting that piece of paper in a jar. I can see all the things that have given me joy throughout the year and then I'll read them at the end. It's a great motivator to keep moving forward. Whatever works for you, remember what loving journey you are on for yourself.
ReplyDeleteKathy - that's a brilliant idea! I really like it! It's great to take stock every now and then.
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