Food Nightmares

I had another food nightmare last night. 

I've had them before. Basically I cave in to eating junk food and feel really horrible about it. Then I wake up and it takes a really long while to shake that feeling. I still am not 100% sure I didn't somehow sleep walk and sleep eat!

The worst part about this dream was not when I'd indulged in some fish and chips and ice cream. It was when I was in the dream supermarket later with the uncontrollable urge to buy some doughnuts or sweet buns. I was compelled. And in that instant I realised how I'd broken my ketosis. I felt out of control. Like I simply had to have some junk food - there was no compromise.

I woke up, shortly after, panicked. And, I'm still disturbed by this. That need for food. That desire beyond sense or reason. It's horrible to think I was once like that. Knowing that there was chocolate in the cupboard or ice cream in the fridge and being so drawn to it. Being driven to finish the packet like it was some sort of competition. 

Junk food never lasted longer than a day in our house. My boyfriend hardly got a look in.
Confession time: It had got to the point where he would have to hide his treats from me so that I wouldn't eat them all.

Chocolate, chips, ice cream, biscuits (sweet/savoury), anything from the bakery? I would eat it immediately. And then buy more. Secretly. And eat it alone. Like an alcoholic.

But I've been so good lately! How could Dream Me lose control so easily when all my old triggers haven't had a hold on me in weeks? It didn't even bother me last night when we sat down to dinner and dessert with our friends. It hasn't bothered me in weeks. I honestly look forward to my veggies. I love how they taste and how they make me feel. I enjoy the Optifast products. And, most of the time, I feel satisfied.

It's possible the dream came about because I've been thinking about Transition for a little while now. I'm a little nervous about it. Intensive phase is so easy - you never have to think about what you eat. Transition is going to be more work. Lots more conscious food decisions to make. 

Perhaps getting more prepared about it might help. Tomorrow is my End of Week 10 weigh-in, and that leaves 2 more weeks of Intensive. I've already planned my first Transition meal, but what about the rest? Perhaps I can use this time to plan out a few more meals and days in MyFitnessPal. Get my shopping lists ready to go. Maybe it was just my brain's way of telling me to get organised!

I know it was just a dream. And thank goodness it didn't happen! I am not out of ketosis. I did not break my diet. I don't want it to make me afraid of food. I need to learn from this and realise that I'm the one in control. Nothing is going in my mouth unless I want it to for the right reasons. 

WIL: A sleep in. :-(
WIG: Re-committed to my goal to never be a slave to food again!


Image found here: http://weheartit.com/entry/45786294